


Different Names for the Same Thing

by stardropdream



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 21:52:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things that Himawari loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different Names for the Same Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ August 21, 2009.

**5\. When it’s cold outside but not too cold where she needs to wear gloves.**  
  
It’s dangerous, to wear gloves. She loves the ones that Watanuki-kun made for her, but what she fears is that if she wore the gloves often enough, she would begin to forget what it meant for her to touch someone or something else. The gloves do not protect her from her reality, and having her hands bare to the world reminds her to that she should always be kept at arm’s length.   
  
She likes watching her fingers turn pink and her palms freeze, until she is numb and can’t feel anything but the wet warmth of her breath rushing into her cupped hands in an effort to warm her again. But somehow she does not want to be warm. Somehow, she likes the excuse to be unable to touch and to feel.   
  
No one is hurt that way.   
  
  
**4\. Astrology.**  
  
She likes to pretend that everything is dictated by the stars, that the stars are what decide her fate. It’s nice to think that the things that happen around her, because of her or in spite of her, are because of something beyond her control. As if it’s somehow not her fault.   
  
She hates the feeling of being out of control, though. There is so much about her life that she cannot predict or dictate, so much that she cannot plan for or prevent. The little semblances of control she has are guarded and protected. But every once in a while, she likes to think _it’s because of the stars, not because of me._  
  
In the end, she thinks it’s a terribly selfish thing to think, but she can’t help but think it.   
  
  
**3\. When a room doesn’t have mirrors.**  
  
Sometimes, when she’s changing her clothing, she catches sight of the scars and it makes her breath catch. She hates seeing her back in the mirror, but not for the reasons she should.  
  
She does not regret taking the scars, does not regret for one moment. There was no hesitation when she accepted them, and she would never think herself rash for taking them for Watanuki-kun.   
  
But seeing them sometimes just reminds her that he doesn’t know, and how guilty he would be if he did know. And it reminds her that, in the end, she’s still keeping secrets and lying. And she hates that. But even so…   
  
She would rather have those scars than not have Watanuki-kun. So it’s okay. It’ll always be okay.   
  
  
**2\. Her namesake.**  
  
When she was growing up, her mother told her all the stories about how the sunflower as the peaceful flower, symbolizing peace and prosperity in their home country. She liked the way the flowers would follow the sun’s path through the sky, growing and adapting and thriving alongside the sunlight.   
  
She wished she was as easy to change.   
  
  
**1\. Doumeki-kun and Watanuki-kun.**  
  
And nothing more needs to be said.


End file.
